I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
