now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
