Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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