I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
