I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
