All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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