it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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