I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
