wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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