I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
