His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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