I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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