You're my little dorito
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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