i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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