Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
