Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
not ubering you a puppy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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