Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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