I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am available for nakedness
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
