my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
