Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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