Do you still have your period?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
