So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
