You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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