yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
