Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
