new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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