dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Did you just see the Batmobile???
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
