don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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