I just saw a hot homeless man
I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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