Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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