she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
