I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
soo... how was my night?
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