The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize