Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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