Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
