i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
