Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
