No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
