It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
