just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
