he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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