I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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