Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I've blown a few things in my day
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
