I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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