new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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