Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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