And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
