Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
