just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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