May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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