if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
