It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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