What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I deserve this hangover.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
