Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
